20 Years of Snow

I have pictures of the blizzard, but I’m too lazy to upload and link them. We’re completely snowed in. We’ve shoveled paths to the dog kennel and cars, but the driveway is still covered in about three feet of snow. Our neighbors plowed the road, but completely snubbed us as far as plowing our driveway. Which kind of pisses me the fuck off, because we’re literally stranded here until the driveway is clear. Which means we can’t go out to fill up on food or gas or whatever we may need.

And we’re going to need some supplies, because we’re supposed to get twenty more inches of snow tomorrow night and Wednesday morning/afternoon. It’s so fucked. Who knows how long it’ll be ‘till we’re able to get out of here for food. Like, we don’t usually go anywhere a lot, anyway. But it’s just the prospect of literally being trapped here that’s kind of frightening.

Plus, we’re supposed to get 40 MPH winds with the snow. So our power is almost definitely going to go out for a few hours, if not for a couple of days. It’s going to be miserable. I don’t mind not having electronics. I actually pride myself in being able to separate myself from technology when the power goes out, instead of making myself miserable because I can’t get online or play video games or whatever. What’s going to make it suck is that we’ll have no heat, and nothing to do at night when there’s no light. I mean, we have the woodstove, sure. But that hasn’t been heating too efficiently the last few days.

Honestly, what truly scares me is all this snow. This will be the third big snowstorm in one season. That’s never happened before in history for this area (and I think it’s pretty rare for most areas). When it’s over and done with, we’ll have gotten more than five feet of snow this winter. It’s like mother nature is throwing a major bitchfit. It actually reminds me a lot of the movie The Day After Tomorrow. Obviously it’s not on such a great, catastrophic scale. But it’s so fucking bizarre getting so much snow so quickly all of a sudden.

I’m dreading this week so much.

Blizzard Entertainment

Well, what I’m sure will become known as “The Blizzard of 2010” began earlier today. Well, I guess since I woke up, around 10. (Even though this post will get posted after 12AM on February 6, I’m still considering it to be February 5.)

It’s crazy shit outside. The snow is already around 2 feet, and I think we’re expected to get around 3 feet, maybe a little less. But I can’t honestly remember the last time it snowed this much. Maybe the Blizzard of ‘96, but I was too young, then, to fully understand the scale of it.

Anyway, I’ll be sure to post some pictures of it and stuff, tomorrow. Tonight, I’m going to be writing about Stephanie.

 

To paraphrase (because I’m getting tired of getting too caught up in the details): I suspected her of lying about living in Virginia, due to things posted/displayed on her Facebook. That suspicion was pushed further by things I heard from Molly, about two guys she was (as I understood it) kind of pitting against each other, which totally made her out as a drama queen. After Michele and Marie, I don’t suffer liars. So I deleted her from all my friends lists.

Last night, I got a nudge from her on MSN. I wasn’t at my computer at the time, so when I got back I simply replied, “Sup?” Here’s what happened after that:

 

Me: sup?

Stephanie: hey

Me: what's up, Stephanie?

Stephanie: Not much, why did you remove me off of lw?lolol

Me: uh, 'cause you lied to me?

Stephanie: about?

Me: well, for one
Me: living in Virginia

Stephanie: I did

Me: it's cool and all, i don't resent you or anything
Me: i just don't tolerate liars for friends

Stephanie: Josh I did live in VA! I moved couple months ago.
Stephanie: Thats why I know allot about Vriginia
Stephanie: and who told you this?

Me: oh no one told me
Me: i figured it out
Me: you still acted like you lived here, though

Stephanie: because i miss being in VA, thats all.
Stephanie: i never lied to you
Stephanie: but okay if you are going to act that way..

Me: lying by omission is still lying
Me: act like what?
Me: you won't make this about me
Me: it's not my fault
Me: you chose what you did and didn't tell me
Me: that was not my decision

Stephanie: i thought you knew i was cali

Me: so don't for one second think you can try to make me the guilty one in this

Stephanie: i thought i told you
Stephanie: where have you been?

Me: even when i brought up how it was funny that you said you lived in VA and still did things on facebook that were related to CA?
Me: you completely changed the topic when i brought it up
Me: so don't gimme that
Me: i don't buy into your little drama queen lies, Stephanie
Me: so you might as well stop now

Stephanie: and you are pissed off because of that? 
Stephanie: its not a big deal
Stephanie: i never lied to you

Me: i'm not pissed off, no
Me: i simply don't tolerate this, like i said

Stephanie: i visit VA like every 2 months
Stephanie: so i still feel like i'm home there
Stephanie: so you can think whatever

Me: i will think what i'm relatively sure of
Me: and that is that you like to start drama
Me: if that's not true, then you at least like people to think what you let them think, even if it's untrue
Me: either way, you weren't honest about who you are, and because of that, we won't be talking anymore

Stephanie: Josh what are you talking about?
Stephanie: what about me.
Stephanie: i used to like you but the way you are acting is very childish

 

I’m so proud of myself for sticking up for myself. The old me would’ve backed down and simply forgiven her, probably even apologized to her. But this was just one of those times that really reinforced who I am, now. And it feels so much better. Like a refresher.

Origins

Brandon and I were/are talking, and I realized I’ve lost sight of what this blog was really made for. Too much of it has become a chronicle of my life, and not a place where I can write about how I truly feel about things. So, in my opinion, it’s time to get back to the origins. What do you think?

I originally planned to write about some new happenings with Stephanie, but I’m not sure if I’ll go with that just yet. I’ve been going through my Flickr account, looking for pictures of myself in a dress, which I took for Laura when I lost a bet to her. I couldn’t find any, but I did find some old-ish photos I’ve taken in the last couple years that I’d forgotten about. I thought I’d post some of my favorite ones. I wish I could figure out how to post pictures correctly on here, but so far I’ve failed at it, so I think I’ll just post links. There’s one in here, which I’ll leave for the end, that’s from when I was younger, and I just really love it, ‘cause it makse me giggle.

Okay, so, in no particular order:

 

A picture from atop Jefferson Rock at Harpers Ferry, WV

 

An Obama rally in Leesburg, around October 2008 - There were about 10- or 15,000 people there, and we were just about in the very front.

 

Sponge-type thing in shower – I finally figured out how to do some special things with our camera, so I took this picture. It’s probably my best take on artistic photography.

 

Sunrise at home – I can’t remember exactly when I took this picture. But judging from where the sun is, I’d have to guess it was about 10 or 11 AM. The sun always looks so amazing when it’s shining through the trees, here. All you have to do is look up and you’re instantly taken away from everything. Something I don’t take advantage of nearly enough.

 

Me as a brat – Again, I can’t remember exactly when this was taken (obviously, considering my age). I’d guess I was about 2 or 3. I love this one so much, because even though I’m still just a toddler, I have this face that says, “What, you wanna mess with this?!” Haha, like I said before, it makes me giggle.

 

So that’s it, for now. I hope I don’t accidentally delete those pictures from my flickr and break the links. Otherwise they’re gone forever.

Next time, I’ll probably write about the update on Stephanie. It’s not particularly important in the typical sense. I want to write about it because the way I handled the situation made me feel really good about myself, like I’m not the same bullshit-swallowing person I used to be. ‘Till next time.

Everything’s Changing Now

I’m not exactly sure how accurate the title of this post is, but I’m listening to “Bonfire” by Third Eye Blind, right now, and it seemed to fit.

I’ve bought my laptop. I’m on it now, actually. I had to have it shipped next day, so I could make sure my mom wasn’t home when it was delivered. I didn’t want her knowing that I had it for as long as I could manage. I got it on the Friday before this last one (Jan. 22), and managed to hide it from her until the following Tuesday, when I took it to LFCC for some free wifi after I had taken my placement tests. Which I bombed on. Like, it’s a placement test, and you can’t fail. But I got a 32 (out of what I assume is 100), so I have to take Math 4, which is the equivalent of Algebra II. I didn’t have to take the reading or writing tests because I got over 500 on those when I took the SATs, which is good. Less prerequisite classes for me to take. I have to fill out some forms, though, and take them back to LFCC before they can review me for financial aid. I hope to do that tomorrow, but who knows. My mom wants to do it on Wednesday, when she has to go in to give her friend a ride, also. But I really need to get these in as soon as possible, so I can be sure that I’m able to start attending classes at the start of the second 8-week term.

I think I’ve figured out my major (I have to declare one in order to be eligible for aid). Graphic design! It’s actually the same thing Brandon’s taking, which kind of makes me feel like a copycat, or maybe that I’m subconsciously just wanting to be like him. Which isn’t bad at all, ‘cause he’s a good guy. But I want to make sure I’m doing this for myself, not to be someone else.

At first I chose computer graphics, but there’s a shitload of math involved, and math that’s beyond my capabilities, also. So I decided to go to graphic design, which isn’t so math-intensive. Lord Fairfax doesn’t offer a specific lead-in course for graphic design, so I’ll be doing Liberal Arts with a Fine Arts Specialization, which will prepare me for pretty much any four-year art degree I’ll be seeking. It’ll also help build my portfolio for when I transfer to another school.

I’ve started taking some new medicine called Concerta. It works a little differently than Strattera and Adderall, but the punch line is still the same. I’ve only been taking it for four days, so I’m not sure what to think of it. I guess I can focus a little bit more, but I hope it amps up a little bit. Dr. Duck said that if this one doesn’t work, I’d have to go to a neuropharmacologist or psychiatrist. I wouldn’t mind going to a psych, again. It’d be nice to be able to talk to someone about everything and not worrying about holding stuff back. But we’ll see.

Oh, and we’ve also gotten high speed. The owner (or manager, not sure) of Winchester Wireless called my mom last Monday and said that the day they came out to my place, they had set something to the wrong frequency, which is why it didn’t work for us. The same thing happened to three other places they went, and it ended up working when they went back with the right shit set up. So they came back to our place last Wednesday, and it worked! It’s so nice having it. I’ve been online a lot, downloading porn and trying to download some torrents. I’ve also been playing on the PS3, a lot. Mostly Killzone 2, but I also got on GTA IV and Burnout Paradise with Brandon, which was awesome. GTA IV doesn’t lend itself to online play, at least in my opinion, but it’s still good for some fun every once in a while. I’m really getting hooked on Killzone 2, though. I feel like my skill is fairly steadily improving, and it’s nice to see all the different ranks and awards you can get. All the stuff you can aim for. I’m still a pretty shitty player, though, haha.

Earlier this morning I got on to play, and I was just having an off time. I was hardly killing anyone, much less able to hit them with anything. In a pistols-only game with some damn good players, I kept getting owned constantly. It was two-on-two, and I guess it was friend against friend, then two random people (myself and some other guy). The two friends were talking to each other while playing, and the one on my team was like, “My teammate fucking sucks.” Then just a couple minutes later, after I was killed, the other friend said, “Oh look, one hit wonder!” ‘cause only one of my shots hit him before he nailed me.

Like, I know it makes me sound like a whiny bitch, but it really hurt, hearing those things said about me. I think what bothers me more, though, is the fact that it even affected me that much. I thought I had developed a pretty thick skin for that shit, but I guess I haven’t really had my self-esteem attacked like that to even know. I mean, I’m already getting over it. Those guys were assholes, and I was having an off time, like I said. But still… bah, Iunno.

I might try Metal Gear Online later, just for a change of pace. Or Modern Warfare 2, since Brandon just got that.

The Fitting

I got back about two hours ago from staying the weekend at Anne’s house. I went there for a tuxedo fitting, and I think the whole wedding party was there, minus one or two people. It was a great time, and I’m glad I went (as if I really had a choice, anyway, baha). One of Anne’s bridesmaids was like, super hot, and I think I kinda creeped her because I looked at her slightly more than everyone else, y’know? Like I didn’t hit on her or anything, but… Iunno.

Anyway, I was able to download a shitload of updates and demos on my PS3 while I was there, which was nice. I also got a bit of gay porn videos that Cisco (formerly known as Brandon) uploaded to my online hard drive. I’m encoding two of them, now, to put on my PSP and watch in a little bit.

Last night we all got a little drunk, myself for the first time. It’s a really strange sensation. Like you know you’re drunk, but you feel like you can still control your actions and stuff. I can definitely see the appeal to it, but I don’t think it’s anything I’d ever do on any kind of regular basis. Especially since the nausea just kicked in about an hour ago, and hasn’t really gone away since.

I was so confused while I was there. Like, I was really really happy because I felt like I was just having an awesome time with friends and shit, which I haven’t done in forever. But then in the back of my head I was thinking, “You have to go back to doing nothing all the time on Sunday; all this will go away by then.” It’s just like… I want that! I want friends to hang out and be stupid with, have memories with and shit. But instead I’m stuck in this fucking house with my family all the time, not able to truly be myself. It fucking angers me like no other. I want to get out!

Anne offered to let me visit hers and Lucas’s apartment for a weekend every so often, once they move into one. I’m going to take them up on it to get away from my mom/family, if not to visit them.

I also felt kind of out of place with everyone. Like they all knew each other real well. And like I said, they all had memories and stuff. But I was just kind of sitting there, politely smiling like an idiot while they discussed their lives. I don’t want to be them, or like them, because that’s not who I am. But I just want a circle of friends that I can hang out with and relate to things on, y’know?

Everyone there had someone there, also. Except for Lucas’s best man, Bradley. But even he had a girlfriend (or soon-to-be fiancé, I think). It was so depressing, looking around at amazing couples, and realizing just how lonely and empty your life has been for the past three+ years.

Last night when we went to the movies, afterwards we went to Uncle Julio’s for dinner. On the way there, Bradley was looking around and noticed that Christina and Tyran (I think that’s how you spell his name), and Lucas and Anne were holding hands or some other form of embrace, and then looked at me and laughed. He said, “I feel like we should be holding hands.” I replied, “Do you want to?” jokingly. He came by and we held hands, though, to be funny. It was funny, because I didn’t give a shit if anyone saw. Because I’m sure if someone did see, they’d assume we were two gay guys. Like, I don’t care about Bradley in any kind of way like that, but it was kind of a… revelation, I guess. I didn’t give a shit if anyone in public knew that I was gay, which really surprised me.

Also last night, when we were drunk, we watched A Perfect Getaway before we all went to bed. Beforehand, though, we were watching a preview for that movie (which Bradley was trying to get us all to watch), and a movie called Orphan, that Anne was campaigning for. During the preview of Orphan, I said that the chick in it looked hot. And then I said, “Whoever that guy is is hot, too.” (It was Peter Saarsgard). I realized like, two minutes later, just how gay it sounded, bahaha. I’m kind of wondering if Anne caught onto it, because she wasn’t drunk like the rest of us. Oh well. I’m kind of debating coming out to her, but I’m afraid, as well, that she might blab about it to people.

If I could sum the whole weekend up in one sentence, it’d be this: I can’t fucking stand my life, right now, and I wish it would change so I could actually have a circle of friends to have fun with.

Apparently, money's gonna stop me now

I’m not going to San Francisco in January, anymore. I was expecting to get a lot more in for financial aid, but I’m only getting enough to cover a little more than half the tuition. So, I’d have to apply for a loan, which would take four to six weeks to get approved. That would mean I’d be in San Francisco for at least two weeks (most likely more) before the loan got approved, assuming it would be. That’s too risky, even for my liking. I’m incredibly disappointed, but not for the reasons I thought I would be. It’s not so much the fact that I won’t be moving there, but that I won’t be leaving here. I’m afraid, also, of getting stuck in this damn town forever, like some of my other friends. It’s like if I don’t get out now, I never will. But I told this to my mom and brother, James, and they both said that if I was aware of that fact, then it wouldn’t happen to me. That made me feel a lot better about it.

So, now the plan is to either get into LFCC for the Spring 2010 semester (not very likely, considering orientation begins on January 6, and the staff doesn’t return from the holidays until January 4); or to find a job and save money until I can go to San Francisco next Fall under more stable circumstances. I could also begin at LFCC next Fall and transfer somewhere that I haven’t considered, yet. I really just have to play it by ear.

I honestly feel a little relieved, actually. The pressure’s off to get things done in an incredibly short amount of time. But I also hate sitting around here doing pretty much nothing. Or, at least, that’s what it feels like, since I’m going at a much slower pace, now.

In other news, Christmas was great! It was so amazing having everyone here for the first time in years. Lucas, James, and I got along real great. It was really weird, actually, haha. I’ve never thought of my family as one of those huge families that’s so close and laughs at everything, etc. But Lucas, James, and I were always making fun of each other and shit, and it really felt that way. I felt a little bad, though, because Andrew had to work on putting together his portfolio so he could start applying for jobs. My mom said that he said it was fine, it was just the situation he was in, and that he still had a good time. So I guess that’s alright.

I think this year was the best turnout, gift-wise, that I’ve had in… well, forever. I’ve never gotten so much stuff, ever. At least not stuff that was this expensive. What I got was:

• $20 from Aunt Linda
• $100 from Grandma Dot
• $300 from Grandma Millie
• Argyle Socks
• Batman: Arkham Asylum (Game)
• Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (Game)
• Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader (Book)
• Dead Space (Game)
• Ender’s Game (Book)
• God of War: Collection (Game)
• Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (Game)
• Moose Poop Soap
• Plate made out of clay from Missy, with my hand imprinted on it, with Tilly’s pawprint inside of mine
• T-shirt from Lucas and Anne’s trip to Alaska that changes somehow when sunlight hits it
• T-shirt with Jawas on it that reads, “RECYCLING: It’s not just for Jawas!”

I also bought some stuff with the money I got from my grandmas, which totaled about $60 all-in-all:

• Burnout Paradise (Game)
• Clone Wars: The Complete Season One on Blu-Ray
• Darth Bane: Dynasty of Evil (Book)
• Dress shirt; plaid design with purple, gray, and black coloring
• The Life and Legend of Obi-Wan Kenobi (Book)
• Tie; piano key design
• Tribes: Vengeance (Game)
• Vest; gray with white pinstripes

I’m going to try to upload two images to this post, but as has been evidenced in the past, I fail at doing such. :)

Oh, boy, what else is new? Oh! I’m not sure if I mentioned it in my last post, but I returned to LiveWire (I’m pretty sure I did in fact write about it). I made a new friend on there! Her name is Molly, and she’s pretty damn awesome. Cha. I’m totally looking forward to skyping with her when… (segway to next bit of news)

…we get high speed on Monday! My mom get really frustrated trying to shop for Christmas gifts on dial-up, and vowed to get high speed. She called Winchester Wireless last Tuesday, and they said we were within their area (just a mile from a tower, actually). The speed isn’t as fast as we could get with maybe cable, but it’s a shitload faster than satellite, and a hell of a lot cheaper, also. Still, we’ll be able to game online and load YouTube videos—all of the normal things people are doing these days on the interwebs! I’m super excited to finally be able to get online with my PS3.

And since we’re getting high speed, my mom’s excuse for not letting me get a laptop (trying to keep two laptops from tying up the phone line during the day) should be nulled. I haven’t brought it up with her, but whether it is or isn’t is irrelevant. I’m getting my laptop. After having some trouble with Tribes: Vengeance on this laptop because of its integrated graphics card, I’ve pretty much decided on getting something instead of a Dell Inspiron 15z. Someone on LiveWire recommended a HP Pavilion DV6-2144NR. It’s pretty beefy, components-wise, for a laptop, and it only weighs about 6.5 lbs. The battery life on it isn’t anything stellar, but I figured that most schools these days have outlets or something nearby to plug laptops into. If all else fails and I run out of battery… Well, then I’ll just have to do it old-school: pen and paper, yo.

The only thing that’s keeping me from definitely deciding on it is it’s hard drive: 320 GB. I was planning on getting one with 500 GB, because I need that extra space to store encoded movies for my PS3, and who knows what else I might need it for. But, if it’s unable to be upgraded to 500 GB, I may just get an external hard drive. Depends on how much those things are running, these days.