My brother called earlier today to let us know that him and Anne couldn't come visit us until his semester is over. He's a psychology major, and he has to study these birds and rats and all sorts of things. Apparently he has to be there all the time to watch them (not non-stop, but you get the point). And the study isn't done until the end of his semester, so... pretty self-explanatory. But he offered to have us all come down one Saturday or Sunday and just kind of hang out for the day, maybe go out to dinner, etc.
Then, towards the end of the call, he told my dad that he couldn't find anyone else to be groomsman at his and Anne's wedding, and to ask me if I would like to be one. I'm not sure if I want to or not. I'd get to wear some spiffy duds and feel important, which is always a plus. But I'll also have to act as an usher of sorts before the ceremony begins. And, depending on what kind of wedding it is, I may be standing up at the altar with the rest of the groomsman and bridesmaids for quite a while, which would be a total bitch.
The wedding isn't until next June. I'm not sure when he needs to know by, but I'm sure I have a decent amount of time to make my decision.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Finally Getting Somewhere... Maybe
The other day I got a letter from Lord Fairfax saying that I had been accepted for admission. I wasn't as stoked as I thought I'd be when I got an acceptance letter from a college. But then, I think that's because I decided not to go to LFCC. San Francisco State University doesn't allow credits to be transferred unless you have at least 60. I'd only earn 17 in one semester at LFCC before I transferred, so there's really no point in going if my credits aren't going to be worth anything. It'd be a waste of my time and money.
So that's one less option to stress myself over. I can't stand spending another year here at home, but it's the only option I've got. At least I know, now, where I'm going. I still have to get my GED and figure out what to do about housing in SF. I emailed the woman who coordinates the GED testing in my area a few days ago, and she still hasn't written back. I'll probably have to call her if she doesn't write back by tomorrow. I hate the thought of calling someone, which is incredibly irrational. But I've long had a fear of talking to strangers on the phone. However, if it has to be done, it has to be done. It's time for me to grow up and deal with things like an adult.
I really need to test for the GED as soon as possible, because the application process for the Fall 2010 semester at SFSU starts October 1st, and ends November 31st. So I've got a fairly short window in which to submit my application.
As for the housing, well that's not as totally complicated. I originally planned on staying in dorms on campus. But when I talked to my mom about it and told her the price, she informed me how astronomical the price was. It really is, and I don't know how I missed it. I must've just thought, "Oh, financial aid is going to cover it, so what do I care?" But I looked at the dorm rooms, and did the math. It'll be roughly $1500 per month for a room that I'll be crammed in with another person. Not to mention hardly any privacy, since each floor shares a public bathroom. For somewhere around $800 a month, I could have relative privacy and the room to do pretty much whatever I wanted. So I'll most definitely be living off-campus.
One day last week, I started getting super stressed out over everything, and I couldn't sort everything out in my head. So I got out our old dry erase board and started jotting down important dates, people I need to contact, and things I just generally need to do for college. It's like my own little step-by-step list of what to do. It's really amazing at how much it's helped me out.
However, I've been plagued by pretty much sleepless nights for the past week or more. I don't know what it is, either. My sleeping schedule has been almost constant, and I don't stay up very late (2am at the latest, unless I'm able to stay online after my parents go to bed, which is rare). It's really bothering me, though. Last night was the strangest one so far. I would dream for a little bit, then wake up, and my whole body would feel really tired. Like, my joints were all achy. And whenever I fell back asleep and into a dream, it was the same dream. Which would cause me to wake up again. I don't remember exactly what the dream was, but a good analogy would be like if you were working, and then stopped. Then when you went back to working, some asshole would come and slap your face and yell, "Work harder!" Which would cause you to stop working, and thus start the cycle all over again.
I don't know what the hell is going on, but I really wish it stops, soon.
But, getting back to my future: I'm really glad that I'm seemingly getting somewhere with it all. I've felt kind of stuck in a funk with everything, like I'm trying to ice skate uphill. Finally I've gotten somewhere, eliminated some possibilities, and have a pretty definite view of what I'm working towards.
Boy does it feel good.
So that's one less option to stress myself over. I can't stand spending another year here at home, but it's the only option I've got. At least I know, now, where I'm going. I still have to get my GED and figure out what to do about housing in SF. I emailed the woman who coordinates the GED testing in my area a few days ago, and she still hasn't written back. I'll probably have to call her if she doesn't write back by tomorrow. I hate the thought of calling someone, which is incredibly irrational. But I've long had a fear of talking to strangers on the phone. However, if it has to be done, it has to be done. It's time for me to grow up and deal with things like an adult.
I really need to test for the GED as soon as possible, because the application process for the Fall 2010 semester at SFSU starts October 1st, and ends November 31st. So I've got a fairly short window in which to submit my application.
As for the housing, well that's not as totally complicated. I originally planned on staying in dorms on campus. But when I talked to my mom about it and told her the price, she informed me how astronomical the price was. It really is, and I don't know how I missed it. I must've just thought, "Oh, financial aid is going to cover it, so what do I care?" But I looked at the dorm rooms, and did the math. It'll be roughly $1500 per month for a room that I'll be crammed in with another person. Not to mention hardly any privacy, since each floor shares a public bathroom. For somewhere around $800 a month, I could have relative privacy and the room to do pretty much whatever I wanted. So I'll most definitely be living off-campus.
One day last week, I started getting super stressed out over everything, and I couldn't sort everything out in my head. So I got out our old dry erase board and started jotting down important dates, people I need to contact, and things I just generally need to do for college. It's like my own little step-by-step list of what to do. It's really amazing at how much it's helped me out.
However, I've been plagued by pretty much sleepless nights for the past week or more. I don't know what it is, either. My sleeping schedule has been almost constant, and I don't stay up very late (2am at the latest, unless I'm able to stay online after my parents go to bed, which is rare). It's really bothering me, though. Last night was the strangest one so far. I would dream for a little bit, then wake up, and my whole body would feel really tired. Like, my joints were all achy. And whenever I fell back asleep and into a dream, it was the same dream. Which would cause me to wake up again. I don't remember exactly what the dream was, but a good analogy would be like if you were working, and then stopped. Then when you went back to working, some asshole would come and slap your face and yell, "Work harder!" Which would cause you to stop working, and thus start the cycle all over again.
I don't know what the hell is going on, but I really wish it stops, soon.
But, getting back to my future: I'm really glad that I'm seemingly getting somewhere with it all. I've felt kind of stuck in a funk with everything, like I'm trying to ice skate uphill. Finally I've gotten somewhere, eliminated some possibilities, and have a pretty definite view of what I'm working towards.
Boy does it feel good.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Missing Out
Well, Brandon and Carolyn are moving in together, today. I told Brandon a couple nights ago how I'm "exceedingly jealous".
Brandon, Carolyn, and I were supposed to get an apartment together, until everything kind of got fucked up and we had a falling out. Now I'm wishing so bad that nothing had happened, so that both Brandon and me would be moving in, today.
While it kind of hits a string when Brandon talks about it, I really don't mind at all. I can tell he's really happy about being able to move out of his parents' place again. Hell, I'd be jumping for joy, too, if I were moving out of my parents' house, haha.
I really wish Brandon would kind of invite me to come live with them, but I don't want to push him into anything. I'm not one to intentionally invite myself into situations, and I'm sure as hell not going to do it in this one. Although I have to question part of my reason for writing all this in my blog, too. Maybe I'm hoping he'll read this and think about it. I really hope not, though. I want him to ask (if he does, of course) because he wants me there, not because I want myself to be there.
I seriously can't stand living with my parents anymore, and I want to move out as soon as possible. Sometimes I take my future really seriously, while other times I think, "Well, I've got a whole four or more years to figure out my life, I might as well try different things out." So I end up having arguments with myself about whether it's right to want to move to Michigan or not. If I would move there, I'm pretty sure my parents would be really upset with me, and sometimes it's really important to me that I have their support. I've seen what it's like when they severely disapprove of what one of their children does, and I really don't want to be on the business end of their disapproval.
However, I also firmly believe that I have to do what I believe is right for me, and me only. That's harder than it sounds, though. What if moving to Brandon and Carolyn's would be the wrong move for me? Any number of things could go wrong. I love Brandon and Carolyn, and I believe strongly that we'd all be great living together, but you never know until you're in the situation.
Another thing to consider would be how in the hell I would support myself. Get a job, of course. But that's easier said than done, no matter where you are. Moreso in Michigan. I'd more than likely go to the same community college that Brandon is going to, and he's currently getting set up with a work-study job. Maybe I could do the same.
Of course, how I can really think this much ahead of myself? It's dreaming, really, because I have no indication that Brandon will ask if I want to move in with them.
Before anything happens, I need to make up with Carolyn. I really miss her, and it's weird talking to Brandon and not being able to talk to her, because they're always together when I talk to them. Not that I don't love talking to Brandon singularly, it's just odd not having Carolyn there.
Brandon has, actually, invited me to visit either during Christmas break or Spring break. I was thinking Christmas break, because it's sooner. But I just remembered that, since my brother, James, and his girlfriend Maryeli, got married, they want to have a celebration in Mexico just before Christmas. And during Christmas, my grandma wants the whole family to go to Florida to be together. Our whole family (meaning my parents and all my siblings) hasn't been together since James went off to college 6 years ago.
I wish I could visit Brandon sooner, but I guess we'll just see what happens.
Part of me feels super guilty for even writing this in my blog, where I have a strong feeling that Brandon will sooner or later read it. I feel like I'm intentionally doing this so I can inadvertently ask him if I can move in. But, at the same time, I also hate keeping things to myself, and I have to tell myself that someone is reading this blog and knows what's going on.
Brandon, Carolyn, and I were supposed to get an apartment together, until everything kind of got fucked up and we had a falling out. Now I'm wishing so bad that nothing had happened, so that both Brandon and me would be moving in, today.
While it kind of hits a string when Brandon talks about it, I really don't mind at all. I can tell he's really happy about being able to move out of his parents' place again. Hell, I'd be jumping for joy, too, if I were moving out of my parents' house, haha.
I really wish Brandon would kind of invite me to come live with them, but I don't want to push him into anything. I'm not one to intentionally invite myself into situations, and I'm sure as hell not going to do it in this one. Although I have to question part of my reason for writing all this in my blog, too. Maybe I'm hoping he'll read this and think about it. I really hope not, though. I want him to ask (if he does, of course) because he wants me there, not because I want myself to be there.
I seriously can't stand living with my parents anymore, and I want to move out as soon as possible. Sometimes I take my future really seriously, while other times I think, "Well, I've got a whole four or more years to figure out my life, I might as well try different things out." So I end up having arguments with myself about whether it's right to want to move to Michigan or not. If I would move there, I'm pretty sure my parents would be really upset with me, and sometimes it's really important to me that I have their support. I've seen what it's like when they severely disapprove of what one of their children does, and I really don't want to be on the business end of their disapproval.
However, I also firmly believe that I have to do what I believe is right for me, and me only. That's harder than it sounds, though. What if moving to Brandon and Carolyn's would be the wrong move for me? Any number of things could go wrong. I love Brandon and Carolyn, and I believe strongly that we'd all be great living together, but you never know until you're in the situation.
Another thing to consider would be how in the hell I would support myself. Get a job, of course. But that's easier said than done, no matter where you are. Moreso in Michigan. I'd more than likely go to the same community college that Brandon is going to, and he's currently getting set up with a work-study job. Maybe I could do the same.
Of course, how I can really think this much ahead of myself? It's dreaming, really, because I have no indication that Brandon will ask if I want to move in with them.
Before anything happens, I need to make up with Carolyn. I really miss her, and it's weird talking to Brandon and not being able to talk to her, because they're always together when I talk to them. Not that I don't love talking to Brandon singularly, it's just odd not having Carolyn there.
Brandon has, actually, invited me to visit either during Christmas break or Spring break. I was thinking Christmas break, because it's sooner. But I just remembered that, since my brother, James, and his girlfriend Maryeli, got married, they want to have a celebration in Mexico just before Christmas. And during Christmas, my grandma wants the whole family to go to Florida to be together. Our whole family (meaning my parents and all my siblings) hasn't been together since James went off to college 6 years ago.
I wish I could visit Brandon sooner, but I guess we'll just see what happens.
Part of me feels super guilty for even writing this in my blog, where I have a strong feeling that Brandon will sooner or later read it. I feel like I'm intentionally doing this so I can inadvertently ask him if I can move in. But, at the same time, I also hate keeping things to myself, and I have to tell myself that someone is reading this blog and knows what's going on.
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