Confused

I'm honestly feeling depressed right now. Katie wants to take a break, and I told her it'd be alright to do, because I love her and want her to be happy; she needs more happiness in her life. But I can't help but feel like she wants to break up with me for a number of reasons. First, she's been very busy with school lately; she always tells me she can't talk because of it, during the few times that I'm online. Second, I get the feeling that she wants to be with someone else. She's told me she loves me more than anything in her whole life, but I can't help but ask myself the same question: Does she love me with as much love as I her? I love her very much, and I can only pray to God for her company. Maybe my depression is making me ultra-paranoid. I s'pose tomorrow I should ask her how she feels. But I don't want to make her mad, which my asking her might do. This is a very difficult situation. My greatest fear is that we may not spend our lives together. If we were to split up, I think I might seriously consider taking my own life. Life without her is/would be unbearable. This is also a very confusing situation. I want what is best for Katie. God help me! I can't go through this alone. I'm almost in tears just thinking about life without my angel, Katie baby. I also get the strange feeling that mom doesn't want us to be together. I utterly hate mom now. Nothing's good enough for her; even the one thing that I care for greatly. The hell with her. She wants to ruin the relationship with her son, that's fine by me. She'll regret it later. By then it will be too late to form a new relationship. 'Till next time...

First Girlfriend

Well, it's been awhile since I wrote in a journal; about a year, actually. So much has happened since then. The biggest and bestest thing being that I met Katie, my girlfriend. I met her very shortly after we got internet. We had AOL, which is very peculiar, then I went in a chat room, which is also very weird, not like me at all. For some strange reason, I felt like IMing her. So I did. We've been in love ever since, and that was just before Christmas '04. Since I have some time to spend, I'll describe her. She's a brunette, baby blue eyes, and about 150lbs., though she looks way slimmer. Her personality is great, but she sometimes gets depressed and begins to feel suicidal. She plays volleyball, softball, basketball, and she's a cheerleader; so you can guess where most of her weight is from. Muscle weighs more than fat, ya' know? She lives in Pensacola, Fl., coincidentally where the Blue Angels are based. Ironic, isn't it? It's almost as if we're meant to be together. If I could sum her up into one word, it'd be prefect. She's perfect in everyway and form. I said almost before, because I can't talk online anymore until I clean up better at night for 1 month. She can't talk on the phone as often anymore because her granny took her cell away. It's been very difficult for both of us, but I know we'll get through it. I love her so much. I'll say more about her next time. Laters!