Yesterday, the Day Before Yesterday, and the Day After Tomorrow

My oldest brother, Andrew, called yesterday. He was laid off from his architecture firm. It’s really shitty news, to say the least. Living in New York isn’t cheap, so I super hope he finds another job, soon. It’s kind of shaken me up a bit about just how unstable your world is when you’re living on your own, so it’s got me thinking about San Francisco. I’m still going, of course, but now I’m really starting to evaluate everything to make sure it’s all as stable as possible.

Andrew’s still coming for Christmas, thank goodness. In fact, he might stay a little bit longer, since he doesn’t have to be back for work.

We also had a record snowstorm yesterday. I believe right now we have about 18+ inches on the ground. That could fuck some things up for Christmas, but I don’t think it will be too bad. We should get everyone’s gifts delivered and wrapped, and I think my other brother James and his wife should be able to fly in from Washington on Tuesday evening. So excited! The woodstove is also supposed to be installed on Tuesday, though, and the guy can’t get on our roof if there’s snow on it; however, our roof grade is pretty steep, so it’s likely that the snow will slide off. And with it also being metal, I’m sure it’ll melt faster than the snow on the ground. I really hope we get that damn woodstove, because our heat pump isn’t doing shit to heat our house at the moment. And it’d also be nice just to have the ambiance of a fire during Christmas.

You know, now that I’m here writing, I can’t even remember what happened the day before yesterday, so… fuck me.

The day after tomorrow, well… that’s Tuesday, and like I said, my brother and sister-in-law are coming out! I can’t wait, it’s going to be such a wicked time with everyone here. We’re still getting things ready, but I think we’re mostly done. Me and my sister set up my parents’ real  bedroom yesterday, and I have to say it looks very nice. We just need to organize and clean up, now, and we’ll be done, I think.

Which reminds me: we got our tree! (Perhaps this was what happened the day before yesterday). It’s a Douglas-fir, as I predicted. And it smells sooooo amazing. It’s bringing back so many memories from when we lived in Herndon. We haven’t had a real tree in more than 6 years, so it’s definitely a welcome change. It still needs to be decorated, though. Hopefully, we’ll get to that, today. Assuming we’ll figure out exactly where we want it to go (in a corner of the great room or in the middle, in front of the glass double doors). I personally like it in front of the doors, and I think my dad and sister do, as well. It just makes it look more… grand, haha. And we wouldn’t have to move any future around at all, so that’s always a plus. I can’t wait to decorate it! Christmastime – Glorious Days of Impatience.

I still need to bring up the money with my dad. I really need to grow a sack and ask him about it, otherwise it’ll be too late and I’ll have fucked all my chances of moving up. You’d think that’d be motivation enough, but it still hasn’t gotten me off my ass. I think I’ll bring it up today, though, barring my mom isn’t around.

Intermission

It’s been fucking forever since I last wrote. My mom grounded me from the internet for more than a week because I had gotten online while she was out for the day. Apparently she forgot the part where I asked her to keep the laptop at home that day, so that I could get online and get some stuff done for school. I’ve also been neglecting the blog, lately. I’ve just had no motivation to really write anything. I’m getting so stressed out over school and money that at the end of the day, all I really feel like doing—after organizing my thoughts—is wasting time online doing nothing in particular. But, I told myself that I needed to update it, so here I am.

My parents have been giving me the same old rap, lately. It’s really starting to piss me off more than usual, though. They keep telling me how I haven’t thought my future through enough, and that I need to make sure I have everything to get myself started before I move. But the thing is, every time they say something like that, it just kills my determination, and it makes it impossible for me to actually get things sorted out. Another aspect of it is that they never really seem to offer help. They say I need to think things through, sure. But they’ve never actually come to me and say, “Hey, let’s look at your current situation with money and see if we can’t work something out.” On the one hand, I’m surprised that they haven’t gotten through their heads that I’ve come this far, and I won’t quit now. But then on the other hand, I’m not surprised at all by how they’re acting. Either way, it’s completely absurd.

While we were saying our goodbyes to my brother, Andrew, at the metro station after he came for Thanksgiving, he talked to me a little bit about how I should reconsider, or at least just think about what I’m really getting myself into. Now, I know I’ve been saying how I hate it when my parents say that. But, since it was coming from Andrew, I took it seriously. He isn’t one to say something like that for no reason. So I wracked my brain for three days or so, thinking about what to do. In the end, I decided to stick with San Francisco. It would be too late, now, to even start thinking about applying to another school, and I just can’t stand living here until next Fall. Plus, I’m so far into the process of enrolling at CCSF, that it would be stupid to back out not. I will figure out a way to make it work.

I started looking into loans a few days ago, and I also mailed in the required financial aid forms to CCSF. According to my Financial Aid file, my Cost of Attendance will be $7,761, which is comprised of $819 in Books & Supplies, $369 in Enrollment and/or Health Fees, $2,424 of Out-of-State Tuition, $1,386 of Miscellaneous Personal Expenses, $2,322 for Room and Bored, and $441 for Transportation. I’m guessing that just estimated the average costs of personal expenses, rent, and transportation and added in. I’m really glad they did, though, because I think it’s a more accurate display of how much it’ll cost to live there than I could ever have guesstimated. The $7,761 is for one semester, though, so that’s only about one-third of what I’ll be spending in a year (minus tuition and books). I’m sure I can find a way to save on most of those things, also. So I think it’s financially possible, right now. I’ve been approved for the total amount of a Pell Grant for one semester, which totals out at $2,675. I emailed a lady at the Financial Aid Office, and she said they got my forms, and that I’ll be getting my award letter in 4-6 weeks. So, I’m definitely going to have to get the Stafford loan. Since I don’t yet know how much I’ll be getting awarded, and considering living costs and such, I just decided to apply for the full amount of $3,500. However, I won’t be able to fully apply until I attend a mandatory financial aid workshop in-person.

I think I’m going to have to borrow money from my parents to pay for a couple months’ worth of rent before my loans are approved, and then I can pay them back. I think, considering the low cost of tuition, I’ll be able to keep myself afloat. Off-campus rent is considered when they review your financial aid info and determine if you’re eligible or not, so I don’t think it’ll be too hard. Plus, I think I should have enough money in my savings after I buy my laptop to pay for the deposit and a month’s rent for my room at the residence club. Which reminds me, I’ll have to call them real soon, after I go over the financial info with my parents tomorrow. I really dread doing that. Every time I even bring it up, they say something that I hadn’t even thought of. It’s not like they say, “Don’t forget to think about this or that!” It’s more along the lines of, “Well, what about THIS? You need to think more clearly about this stuff, Josh!” Like I’m some kind of idiot and deliberately overlooked some aspect just so I could get out of the house. It’s not like I’m looking to move out and just worry about things when I get there. I know how tough life can be, I’m not about to ruin the beginning of my OWN life by being purposely careless.